Jobless, or free?

Been out of job for close to a month now, and not working for seven weeks (I've been clearing my annual leave), and starting to feel the stress.

Jobs have not proven to be easy to come by, and I can't stay home all day while watching others' careers soar. Just what is wrong with me? Can't find a proper job? Is this what becomes of me with a liberal arts degree?

Or probably it is just me being picky with jobs. I've been told I could do anything if I were willing to do anything. Hey, even roadsweeping is a job. But it just doesn't appeal to the ego.

Was meeting with an insurance agent/financial advisor yesterday when I got a particular heavy dose of that. He was only two years older than me but he has risen to the senior ranks of his profession, five-figure monthly income (probably a millionaire, I don't know), a beautiful car, a complete family, and a team of subordinates. All the things one could have wished for as a successful young professional at the height of his career. Suddenly I look like the underdeveloped and stunted idiot before him. It does not feel good.

Initially, I actually felt good having left the firm and having so much time on my hands without having to worry about my finances (at least not overtly). I still have enough to survive for a few months, but there will be no income come May.

A good question was posed yesterday. What is my career objective? I had pursued a career in heritage in its commercial application, and formulated my career aim as spreading the advantages of a good understanding of history in aid of building a gracious and educated society in Singapore. But that has proven to be unsustainable.

Then I was seduced by the bright lights of investment banking, that it would pay extremely well, and provide the necessary prestige to satisfy the ego. However, high barriers to entry stood in my way. I need to have a degree in finance, accountancy, economics or law to apply, and a good one at that too. It's not that these are beyond my reach. I believe if I apply myself to it, I would be able to emerge with a good degree in the above subjects. However, that would mean further outlays of cash, as well as time. By the time I graduate, I would be in my 30s, and when others are reaching into managerial positions, I would just be starting out. Bad prospects.

So I am back to earth again, hoping to do what I am more adept at--writing, thinking, editing. There seems to be no vacancies at SPH, so I pore through the Recruit section of the Saturday papers. I pore through still.

So am I jobless, or free? Kiyosaki would have said I am both, as I am not bound with a job, yet have no business to call my own. I am nowhere near the gates of prosperity.